a banner and sOme clamps

Posted in machadO on July 20th, 2014 by The Wayward O

There really is a lot to be said about current series in Oakland.

- Team playing low-profile despite three plunkings in Game One. Low is the way, fellas!
- Overall clear desire from both teams to have the Manny Machado-weirdness translate back to baseball (very, very happy about this)
- Lovely stories of Oakland’s great days of yore in Game One from Dave Parker and Dave Stewart
- Team’s impressive ability to shake off tough loss and come out swinging in Game Two
- Return of Jose Canseco to Athletics’ ballpark, in which he admits he was “an emotional wreck” for several days prior. Without comment on his ‘roiding past, Blog found it to be a touching episode

But, if you want a single takeaway from Blog, it’s got to be the clamps.


Image via Comcast Sportsnet

Blog knows many hold Oakland’s ballpark, with its balky plumbing and unbearable piped-in loudspeaker noise, with naked contempt. And that’s understandable. But clamps? CLAMPS? A plastic banner and some clamps?

They can’t go to the store and get some stickies from 3M that would hold the cheap green and black sheets in the “broadcast booth” — Blog uses that particular term loosely — without it being a clamp? I mean really. Clamps.

whO’s this gerk geeter guy?

Posted in arOund the big leagues on July 15th, 2014 by The Wayward O

Your home for All-Star Game in-game rhyme-O-mat*. They’re coming you schnocks! But read older ones if you bored or impatient

8:07 p.m.
Gone is McCarver; going is Jeter …
Blog will not revel with celebratory meter!

8:18 p.m.
Erin Andrews is looking most fit
She hawks products that help you shit

8:28 p.m.
Jetes walks up to the strains of Bob Sheppard
At 40 he no longer can run like a leopard

8:38 p.m.
The AL Bats are smashing the ball furiously
I’m not sure Wainwright is taking this surriously

8:52 p.m.
Utley answers with a run-scoring double
Chase promptly scores and Lester’s in trouble

9:08 p.m.
“Economic changes” and “competitive balance”
Outgoing commish with the sports-biz parlance

9:25 p.m.
The broadcast team is sending Jetes hugs
Derek, on base, gets marauded by bugs

9:44 p.m.
In MLB, Viagra has a beautiful friend
Blog hopes the boner ads someday will end

10:07 p.m
Puig 0-for3 and has struck out thrice
Nor did his outfield effort suffice

10:22  p.m.
Take me to the bar and tell me a tale
Just don’t fucking buy me a Redd’s Apple Ale

10:53 p.m.
It’s late in the night and prime-time is done
That explains why the Mets player’s on

11:07 p.m.
Oakland is cute in the mid-summer haze
But Autumn will yield some furious A’s

11:21 p.m.
Wainwright admits he grooved one for Jeets
Explains how the old man got one of his heets

11:23 p.m.
The AL wins for a second straight year
A fresh NL losing streak kicks into gear

11:39 p.m.
Wainwright backtracks on throwing that heater
But it’s too late to recant on #PipeShots and #Jeter

 

* which apparently is returning after a four-year hiatus? where does the rhyme time go?

dylan’s ancestral hOme

Posted in arOund the big leagues on July 15th, 2014 by The Wayward O

Bolg of Team: Do you like the All-Star game as much as I do? Some MLB fans can take or leave it. But I really get into it

Guy le Chats: I love it. It makes me feel like a little kid. It was such a strange feeling for there to not be baseball games

Bolg of Team: [Mrs. Wayward Oriole] is away on business and no baseball. Haha. I had NO IDEA what to do. It was pretty funny. Finally I was like OK can do like stuff I’ve been meaning to do stuff

Guy le Chats: I know! Well, the thing is when your team is on pace for 100 losses you don’t quite let the nightly game get in the way of stuff you need to do the way you do when you’re in the hunt

Bolg of Team: Tru

Guy le Chats: So accurate dude. But yeah I’m pumped. Both lineups feel particularly dirty this year. AL more so. That 1-7 is insane

Bolg of Team: AL will win. Wainwright won’t channel his deepest wizardry. And Oakland is up and down the AL squad like rats on a ship. They know how bad they need home field. AL 6, NL 2. FINAL   *
What sayeth you?

Guy le Chats: Because I’m a god damn partisan – 4-2 NL. Waino and Kershaw combine for an excessive amount of pitching for an ASG. Like 5 innings combined. Cause Matheny’s like, nah, don’t care, can’t care. And Stanton hits a ball to Bob Dylan’s ancestral home

* prediction eerily correct, except for final score

we’ll see whO has nuanced views in the bread line

Posted in idiOcy on June 16th, 2014 by The Wayward O

Blog of Soccer Amazement: Thomas Müller has three goals?
Brock Tune: That appears to be the case.
That’s a lot for one man in one match.
For context Argentina’s Lionel Messi, considered to be one of the best players in the world, has only scored two goals in his entire World Cup career
Blog of Soccer Amazement: I wonder if he’s tired after kicking the ball so many times
Brock Tune: These are some of the best athletes in the world
Blog of Soccer Amazement: True?
Brock Tune: Very rare to see a fat soccer player.
Almost never happens
Blog of Soccer Amazement: LoL
“I wonder if he’s tired of kicking the ball so many times.”
You can use that one if you want
Brock Tune: I’ll put it in the hopper.
Blog of Soccer Amazement: It’s come to attention of Blog that there is ties in soccer
Brock Tune: Correct.
Only in the preliminary rounds here.
Not when there must be a winner
Blog of Soccer Amazement: Don’t give me your mumbo jumbo, sir
Blog of Soccer Amazement knows a Communist plot when Blog of Soccer Amazement sees one
Brock Tune: Soccer is not a Communist
It is a Marxist-Leninist
Blog of Soccer Amazement: We’ll see who has nuanced views in the bread line
Brock Tune: My record of patriotism is beyond reproach, but I am here to tell you I’ve got some funny feelings about rooting against a country with a population smaller than that of Texas
Blog of Soccer Amazement: Blog just going to pretend Blog didn’t see that chat
Actual prediction — U.S. beats Ghana, 2-0