lay lOw till the heat passes

Posted in idiOcy on October 25th, 2012 by The Wayward O

Alta Vega Pega Pega: U heard about the Tampa Mystery Monkey?
El Oriole Caprichoso: The monkey was wilin’
Alta Vega Pega Pega: The monkey “eluded authorities” like prison break
For years!
F*#%ing Florida cops.
El Oriole Caprichoso: Who’s the monkey, really? LOL LOL
Now he’s all smacked up in a cage.
Alta Vega Pega Pega: The monkey’s the monkey. He’s always been the monkey.
The cops/monkey huntaz just look incompetent.
And I just love stories about animals getting over on Floridians.
Did you hear about the manatee that got indicted in that pump and dump stock scam?
El Oriole Caprichoso: The Seagrass LLC case?
Alta Vega Pega Pega: Sea Cow Investments LLC
He swam away slowly when cops tried to apprehend
El Oriole Caprichoso: A sea cow won’t ever run
Looks too suspicious.
Alta Vega Pega Pega: His instinct was probably to stand and fight but he knew he was outnumbered
El Oriole Caprichoso: That’s why he tucked into a warm water outflow near the nuclear reactor
Lay low till the heat passes.
Alta Vega Pega Pega: And call Monkeylink
El Oriole Caprichoso: – don’t wait for your monkey. Get it today!
Bail / payday ape loans / monkey surburban NIMBY litigation / securities and white collar defense
866 Bo No Bos!

things were getting cOld and desperate

Posted in rOgues gallery on October 20th, 2012 by The Wayward O

Nobody knows what to do! Too many fortnights left until Team goes on 2013 rampage! Let us praise famous moments in Blog’s new rogues gallery!

It was the witching hour, on Oct. 11th, 2012, and Team’s figurative back literally was against wall in hostile confines of New Stadium Adjacent to Yankee Stadium’s Grave.

Midnight was approaching…

Baltimore was not hitting and things were getting cold and desperate. It had been a tense game on either side, filled with tortuous situations and rocky opportunities to break things open — none of which had panned out.

Until young Manny Machado doubled to right to start the 13th inning and Nate “Big Nate” McLouth moved him to third with ground ball to that guy on Yankees who plays second base when he’s not too busy preening.

Then, on desperate, depraved 2-2 count, with the night closing in around him, J.J. Hardy earned his place in Baltimore post-season lore at 11:53 p.m…

You, sir, have been Blingee’d. Original photo via Baltimore Sun

TBS announcer Ernie Johnson’s* call, when contextualized into text, reads like a poem:

fly ball left field
pretty well hit
ichiro goes back
and that ball is off the wall
the orioles will have the lead
hardy has a stand-up double
and his first rbi of this series
two to one, baltimore

Beautiful. Nice work Jayj. Come on back why don’t ya?

* if it was not Ernie Johnson, then Blog has no idea who it was

thanks fOr everything

Posted in histOry, hOpe springs eternal, octOber, schadenfrOide on October 13th, 2012 by The Wayward O

Heart of Oriole order, in five games vs. Yankees:

J.J. Hardy
3 for 22

Adam Jones
2 for 23

Chris Davis
3 for 20

Matt Wieters
3 for 20

Mark Reynolds, the standout, at
3 for 19

So reports you may have read about Team not being able to get key hit are accurate.

Nevertheless, they were one bloop, one well-aimed grounder, one swinging bunt or one similar such outcome away from ALCS last night versus Mercenary Former All-Stars in Bronx.

So Congratulations to you, 2012 Baltimore Orioles. And thanks for everything.

time tO run rampant

Posted in octOber on October 12th, 2012 by The Wayward O

Jones. Reynolds. Wieters. Thome. Davis.


Time to run rampant on a Sasquatch.

Let’s go to Detroit!

Nuff said.

criticisms nOtwithstanding

Posted in diaspOra, octOber, schadenfrOide on October 11th, 2012 by The Wayward O

Let’s not get into too much detail about what happened on field last night in Cave of Doom.

Ye Who Enter Here

Should Jim Johnson be doing better? Eh. That’s a short porch out there in right field. Ryan Flaherty found it too. Should Derek Jeter have been punched prior to RBI triple? Maybe. Should Adam Jones have taken better route? Yeahp.

Pre-game huddle

But overall — valueless hyper-critical criticisms notwithstanding — Team played great. And Team came away with unlucky loss. It’s not over and, knowing this delightful vintage, they will be back tonight with best effort.

This guy!

Overall there was little or no tension in Stadium between Fans of Team and fans of free agent mercenary former All-Stars. At times, as Miguel Gonzalez worked through Yankee lineup like a half-rack of ribs, stadium was very quiet.

“It’s a library in here,” guy in front of Blog of Team metaphor’d at one point.

There were more than a few Orioles fans about — including this fella in right field,* Cal Ripken Jr. jersey flaps akimbo, incurring ire of hundreds of upper-deckers with anti-Yankee taunts and ultimately winning free police escort to train station.

But, those Yankee fans who were not provoked were very cool and polite, and there’s a ton of security in new digs.

So come on up for your punch in the guts!

*last night Blog erroneously said on Twitter it was left field so. So correction!

shOrten up

Posted in adam jOnes, octOber, wOe is me on October 8th, 2012 by The Wayward O

Tough loss.

Didn’t like Adam Jones’s inability to move up J.J. Hardy in eighth inning. Jonesie, presumably, doesn’t get bunt sign ever. Which is arguably OK. But he didn’t shorten up and try to hit ball to right side either. He was just hacking away at balls outside of zone. Bad at-bat. No two ways about it.

Plating Hardy in eighth would have changed complexion in ninth, for sure, and key to that would have been moving James Jerry up with nobody out.

With game tied in ninth, Blog didn’t love decision to bring in Jim Johnson. It would have been better either to move to Tommy Hunter or let Brian Matusz — or somebody else — try to grind out some outs.

Even if it was wrong move, however, Johnson should have been better. He served up home run ball to Russell Martin on very hittable mistake pitch after initially appearing to have trouble finding strike zone. And he seemed to unravel from there. Not a good outing at all.

Rest of game was a tense and entertaining affair.

Maybe a little adversity will be good for ’em. Certainly Andy Pettitte is no C.C. Sabathia. Hats off, too, to Jason Hammel for a great start and to some guys including Matt Wieters, Mark Reynolds and Chris Davis for some great defense.