whO’s this gerk geeter guy?

Posted in arOund the big leagues on July 15th, 2014 by The Wayward O

Your home for All-Star Game in-game rhyme-O-mat*. They’re coming you schnocks! But read older ones if you bored or impatient

8:07 p.m.
Gone is McCarver; going is Jeter …
Blog will not revel with celebratory meter!

8:18 p.m.
Erin Andrews is looking most fit
She hawks products that help you shit

8:28 p.m.
Jetes walks up to the strains of Bob Sheppard
At 40 he no longer can run like a leopard

8:38 p.m.
The AL Bats are smashing the ball furiously
I’m not sure Wainwright is taking this surriously

8:52 p.m.
Utley answers with a run-scoring double
Chase promptly scores and Lester’s in trouble

9:08 p.m.
“Economic changes” and “competitive balance”
Outgoing commish with the sports-biz parlance

9:25 p.m.
The broadcast team is sending Jetes hugs
Derek, on base, gets marauded by bugs

9:44 p.m.
In MLB, Viagra has a beautiful friend
Blog hopes the boner ads someday will end

10:07 p.m
Puig 0-for3 and has struck out thrice
Nor did his outfield effort suffice

10:22  p.m.
Take me to the bar and tell me a tale
Just don’t fucking buy me a Redd’s Apple Ale

10:53 p.m.
It’s late in the night and prime-time is done
That explains why the Mets player’s on

11:07 p.m.
Oakland is cute in the mid-summer haze
But Autumn will yield some furious A’s

11:21 p.m.
Wainwright admits he grooved one for Jeets
Explains how the old man got one of his heets

11:23 p.m.
The AL wins for a second straight year
A fresh NL losing streak kicks into gear

11:39 p.m.
Wainwright backtracks on throwing that heater
But it’s too late to recant on #PipeShots and #Jeter


* which apparently is returning after a four-year hiatus? where does the rhyme time go?

dylan’s ancestral hOme

Posted in arOund the big leagues on July 15th, 2014 by The Wayward O

Bolg of Team: Do you like the All-Star game as much as I do? Some MLB fans can take or leave it. But I really get into it

Guy le Chats: I love it. It makes me feel like a little kid. It was such a strange feeling for there to not be baseball games

Bolg of Team: [Mrs. Wayward Oriole] is away on business and no baseball. Haha. I had NO IDEA what to do. It was pretty funny. Finally I was like OK can do like stuff I’ve been meaning to do stuff

Guy le Chats: I know! Well, the thing is when your team is on pace for 100 losses you don’t quite let the nightly game get in the way of stuff you need to do the way you do when you’re in the hunt

Bolg of Team: Tru

Guy le Chats: So accurate dude. But yeah I’m pumped. Both lineups feel particularly dirty this year. AL more so. That 1-7 is insane

Bolg of Team: AL will win. Wainwright won’t channel his deepest wizardry. And Oakland is up and down the AL squad like rats on a ship. They know how bad they need home field. AL 6, NL 2. FINAL   *
What sayeth you?

Guy le Chats: Because I’m a god damn partisan – 4-2 NL. Waino and Kershaw combine for an excessive amount of pitching for an ASG. Like 5 innings combined. Cause Matheny’s like, nah, don’t care, can’t care. And Stanton hits a ball to Bob Dylan’s ancestral home

* prediction eerily correct, except for final score

we can’t even dO that

Posted in arOund the big leagues on April 15th, 2014 by The Wayward O

Blogsk of Teamsk: You’ve seen the Deadspin gonna guess

StinkyPhillyChee6969: Duh

Blogsk of Teamsk: So great and sad

StinkyPhillyChee6969: So sad

Blogsk of Teamsk: And brilliant

StinkyPhillyChee6969: And sad

Blogsk of Teamsk: Yeah

StinkyPhillyChee6969: That’s the real shame of this team. Even a team with sh*t, older stars that can’t produce can put together decent relievers. Like, take minor league starters that throw strikes and remove two of their pitches. It’s not that complicated. We can’t even do that sh*t
And then our players DO produce and the bullpen f*cking sh*ts out a little white flag and buries itself in a pile of sh*t

Blogsk of Teamsk: It’s a pile o sh*t

StinkyPhillyChee6969: Why the f*ck Jake Diekman was in the game I’ll never know. Why do you throw a slider there? Make him beat you on something hard. [Dan Uggla] is a .180 hitter for the last two years

Blogsk of Teamsk: You’re not ready for humorous brilliance. I can see that. You just need a little time

Blogsk of Teamsk: This will take edge off

StinkyPhillyChee6969: Bahahahaha. It did!

Blogsk of Teamsk: Haha

StinkyPhillyChee6969: Cause you think it’s the Randall Simon vid. And then no. The poor guy just face-plants on his own

Blogsk of Teamsk: #Chorizo’d

an interesting enOugh read

Posted in arOund the big leagues, blOggers, schadenfrOide on January 15th, 2014 by The Wayward O

Deadspin’s rant about the A-Rod situation, which Blog of Team supposes stands in for all sorts of hipster arguments pushing for the legal use of drugs in sports, is an interesting enough read — as is everything on that great blog — but the problem is, unlike many great Deadspin reads, it contains too many factual errors to be taken seriously.

For example:

“Here’s something you might not realize about the case of Alex Rodriguez: There’s no physical evidence at all tying him to the purchase or use of any prohibited drug”

Wrong! There is physical evidence, obviously, and the arbitrator had every right to consider it. The writer kind of goes back on that claim but then says there is no physical evidence because he doesn’t like the credibility of the guy who provided the physical evidence.

Drug testing is “a moral regime, dedicated to the purification of the body as a way of purifying the mind.”

Wrong! Drug testing is in place to protect those who don’t wish to use drugs at varying levels of the game from undue peer, player, coach and industry pressure. It’s also in place to make sure cheaters can’t use drugs to gain an unfair advantage.

“Alex Rodriguez, to be clear, wasn’t suspended because anyone could prove he did anything; he was suspended because there was good reason to think he wanted or tried to do something. He was convicted, in other words, of a thoughtcrime.”

Wrong! Alex wasn’t convicted of anything. He was suspended under a drug-testing regime he agreed to and his suspension was upheld in binding arbitration.

Said regime “essentially makes contracts conditional, fully guaranteed only so long as the commissioner believes that the player is thinking sufficiently pure thoughts.”

Wrong! Baseball has the strongest contract protections of any major sport. It took a galactic douche like A-Rod to run afoul of them.

very impOrtant

Posted in arOund the big leagues on May 5th, 2013 by The Wayward O

It’s been King’s Age since Blog of Team wrote about Team! But Blog of Team has been busier that a squirrel at a nut convention. Also it’s wise anyway, with Team, to wait until Team touches on West Coast before making any judgments about Team’s ability to play baseball.

Six wins out of ten on West Coast, with game 11 coming today, suggest Team — again this year — has ability to keep losing streaks at bay on road. That’s good sign and suggests Team will be in mix long after your Blue Jays, White Sox, Angels and like have mentally packed it in for year.

When do Orioles play Astros? Allegedly fancy Boston Red Sox have beaten them four times.

Team has dropped series against two inferior opponents already this year — Twins in Baltimore and Mariners last week in Seattle. While Seattle series isn’t probably cause for alarm, Blog hopes Team, going forward, doesn’t continue to let up when it should be feasting.

It is very important for Team to finish ahead of Red Sox. Red Sox are a contemptible lot of cheating cheaters and justice (again) must be served. Nice to watch Boston getting knocked around by Texas this weekend, by the way. And here’s best take Blog of Team has seen so far on the Clay Buchholz foul-ointment rubbing matter.

He regularly rakes his right index and middle fingers across his left forearm, being careful to keep his other fingers raised.

Also, can’t baseball do something about pitchers dumping water on their heads before going on field? That’s obviously part of some cheaty cheating cheat scheme.

Of course, Boston’s NESN and other sundry toadies all have exonerated Clay. Surprisingly, Boston Globe cites comments made by Red Sox catcher David Ross as all you need to know. Wow! Thanks for that refreshing take, Boston Globe! Guess when it comes to chicken in clubhouse, you’re a pack of muckraking dogs but now that fun’s over you want a winning team again?

Not to say that Team of Blog is perfect, either. We have GM who treats players like meat and, quite frankly, ill-uses them (all mostly within baseball’s rules of course but nevertheless.) That wouldn’t be so bad except that said GM is convinced he’s a genius, which is an exceedingly dumb attitude to express publicly.

Hey, man rules are rules. And as along as you’re not outside of them, do what you do.

We’ll see how Team looks when destinies of MacPhail-era talent are decided (thankfully Adam Jones has been locked up so maybe our allegedly brilliant chief exec will do same with Matt Wieters and Manny Machado, who aside from Nick Markakis are core of Team and whose presences in Baltimore have not a a whit to do with Duquette.)

For now what we have is a solid, well-coached Team — a group managed by a guy who won’t let players quit, which has good chance of rolling dice in October’s wild random-fest known as playoffs for next couple of years.

PS. Hey, Jonesie, catch the f*ckin ball.

pabst, brita and Ostrich jerky

Posted in arOund the big leagues on January 12th, 2013 by The Wayward O

Is everybody clicking on ads? BLOG IS NOT RICH YET. Perhaps a SNORG TEE or FILIPINO SINGLE is in your sites.

Perhaps you’d like to go to World Baseball Classic featuring Adamski Jonesenbacher? Yes?

Well Blog has seen that advertisement cycle through as well. Why baseball ads appear on Blog of Team is anybody’s guess … it’s not as if Team has done anything related to baseball since, oh, about Oct. 12.

STOP THIS HORRIBLE TROLLING WAYWARD O AND TAKE ON BIG QUESTIONS! There is, apparently, this fancy-pants magazine in New York called THE NEW YORKER that takes on big questions a lot of the time.

For example the seas are full of carbon molecules now, which is VeryVeryBad, and also you can sail from Boston to Vladivostok via north pole with nothing but a case of Pabst, a Brita and some Ostrich jerky.

But sometimes, as opposed to ANSWERING big questions, magazine ASKS them. After some meanderings related to Barry Bonds, and the brigade of steroid-popping louts denied first-ballot plaques in Hall of Fame, writer Ian Crouch moved toward biggest question of all.

[S]urely we’ll all get together next year around this time, when the debate, growing more tired at each pass, rages again. This raises another question, one likely already considered by some readers by now: What’s the big deal? Next to all the real glories of sports, not to mention the trials of life, how much does a baseball museum really matter?

And then there we are, waiting for answer!  When he starts mumbling about Abner Doubleday and about how Kim Basinger looked really good in “The Natural” and about how Spring is Coming. Dude. SPRING IS ALWAYS COMING! EVEN WHEN IT’S SPRING NEXT SPRING IS COMING!

This is where Wayward O comes in. Here is answer: We care because baseball is not an invention of necessity. It is not the stock market; it is not the Congress; it is not the agribusiness system; it is not the law, the newspaper or the city council. Those things we have because we need.

Baseball, we want it to be around. It is our great national bauble, the very thing that separates our institutions, the things that make life liveable, from our highest-flying flights of fancy.

Old Hoss Radbourn could barely fathom his life outside of baseball more than 600 years ago, not long after Neanderthal man was purged from gene pool. And today Nolan Reimold is looking ahead to 2013 season with the hope that he can finally put that bad luck wind behind him forever. These and other players regard and regarded game as we fans do: With wonderment that it exists at all.

And that is why, without getting into merits of individual players as they relate to Hall of Fame debate, people consider it to be a “big deal.”